Between a Trigger and Reaction: A Magical Place of Choice
There is a magical place where choice lives. It might not seem like a big deal at a glance, but if you dare to look closer you’ll see the beauty and wonder of this space.
Having the ability to choose is one of the things that makes us human. We have a mind capable of extraordinary thoughts. Sometimes that brain is hijacked and our ability to choose can be overridden and we react in ways we wouldn’t normally.
Things that trigger us can create an automatic reaction that robs us of our ability to choose and we might not even be aware it’s happening.
For a long time, I didn’t know this about myself. I just thought I was an emotional and reactive person. I didn’t like being that way, so I tried to limit my emotions to help cut back on the reactions I didn’t like. Let’s just say, that wasn’t the answer.
Over the years, I’ve discovered a place where I can feel my emotions and choose how I want to respond. I’m sure there’s a scientific name for it, but I like to think of it as my secret weapon. It’s the space between my trigger points and my reactions. The more space I give myself there the more I have the ability to pause those automatic reactions in my brain and choose how I want to respond instead.
“Digging down, finding your triggers, and knowing why they trigger you are a big step toward the awareness you need in order to choose how you want to respond in any situation.”
This may not seem like a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but to me (and to anyone else who values being in control of themselves) this is powerful. I want to be in complete control of myself because I’m the only thing I actually can control. I don’t want to be hurting other people simply because I’m hurting. I want to love well and live well. Knowing I can choose how to respond helps me to do both of those things.
Simply knowing this doesn’t make it happen though. I am human and I miss the boat and still can react in ways I don't want to. I don’t like that, but it’s reality. However, I am quicker at recognizing what has happened and can apologize and move back to the place of responding instead of reacting. I’m incredibly grateful for the awareness of this magical place that gives me a choice.
Have you found this space in your own mind? If not this might help you…
~Look for the times you feel icky or off after interacting with someone.
~Dig in and see if you can figure out what about the interaction was off.
~Think about how you would’ve liked for it to go.
~Is there anything about your interaction that you want to change?
~Dig into why you reacted that way.
~Is this your normal response or something new?
~Do you notice any trigger that was set off that caused that reaction?
~If you find a trigger, dig into it and figure out why it triggers you.
Digging down, finding your triggers, and knowing why they trigger you are a big step toward the awareness you need in order to choose how you want to respond in any situation. Now begins (or continues) the journey to finding this space in your life.
This article was originally published in Planner Girl Magazine, Issue 5. You can find it along with articles written by other amazing women here.