Learning to Identify What You Are Feeling
Emotions are a funny thing. Sometimes they can feel like your best friend and other times like your worst enemy. They’re unpredictable and messy, but they’re also beautiful and enrich our lives.
“I think we’re also dealing with grief in some way because we’ve all lost something in this time as well.”
As an Enneagram 4, I have a lot of emotions. Basically, I have an emotional reaction to anything and everything. I filter everything in life through the way it makes me feel.
The fact that I can own that is a testament to the growth and self-awareness I’ve gained since my turbulent experience with panic and anxiety several years ago.
There was a time when I rejected my emotions completely. They were standing in my way. I didn’t like feeling hurt (who does), and I had goals I wanted to achieve. So my logical self came up with the idea to stuff my emotions and live my life free of them. That sounded like a fantastic idea. And for a (short) time, it appeared to be working for me. Until it didn’t.
Emotions are trying to communicate with you.
They will always find a way to be heard because that’s their job. If you don’t listen they only get more insistent and intense. Of course that usually happens at the most unhelpful times.
This made me realize that I needed to make peace and learn to work with my emotions. Accepting myself as an emotional being was challenging, but so worth it. I’ve learned to embrace the way God made me and harness it to help me live a richer life.
This journey has been so messy and uncomfortable, but it’s also so beautiful and has given me great purpose. My own journey continues in different ways, but now I’m wanting to share the things I’ve learned so far along the way in the hopes that it might bring a little clarity to your own journey.
Things feel so chaotic currently with the Covid-19 global pandemic. Our world has changed in so many unexpected ways and it’s created a lot of fear and anxiety. I think we’re also dealing with grief in some way because we’ve all lost something in this time as well.
With all the messy emotions swirling around inside us, it might be hard to know which way is up. You might find that sitting on your couch with a pint (or gallon) of ice cream and binge-watching your favorite TV show is the way you’re currently surviving that messiness. That’s okay. If you’ve been doing that but would like to find a better way to navigate this season, then keep reading. If not, then please resume your cold and creamy goodness and entertaining escape.
I would love it if I could give you my thoughts and experiences in a simple file that you would upload into your own mind and see how all of this has worked for me. (If you have ever seen Star Trek, then a Vulcan mind meld would be really handy here.)
Since that isn’t possible, I’ll be sharing it with you bit by bit over the coming months.
Please know that I don’t have all the answers for you.
I’m not a therapist. I can’t fix you or your life.
I don’t share anything from the place of telling you how to live your life or solve all your problems.
First, because I don’t believe you’re broken. And second, I think you have the answers for your life, even if you can’t see them currently.
Only you can know what will ultimately work for you on your own journey and take action toward change.
However, I’ve found great value in observing the journey of others to bring clarity to my own. I’ve also felt less alone in my struggles and realized that being human and struggling is normal.
As I share my experiences and tools, I hope that you will take them and see if they might work for you and how they might look. Take what is helpful and leave what isn’t. The end goal is choosing to live your life fully every day in the most meaningful way to you.
So let’s begin.
The first thing I want to share with you is how I learned to identify what I was feeling. Being able to put a name to the internal chaos has helped me so much. There is something about being able to say I’m feeling happy, sad, anxious, angry, or disappointed that makes navigating emotions easier.
It makes me think of a phrase I’ve heard “admitting it is the first step to solving the puzzle”. We have to admit what we are feeling in order to navigate it. The question is how can we know what we’re feeling.
Please know this is messy and will probably feel awkward and uncomfortable. Welcome to the world of emotions and understanding them. The good thing is it does get easier and more comfortable the longer you do it.
Some necessary tools for learning to identify your emotions…
~openness and curiosity
~grace and self-compassion
~grit and determination
~remembering why you want to do this in the first place
Some optional tools for learning to identify your emotions…
~a list of emotions and sensations you might be feeling (try this one)
~a notebook or journal to write out and track your journey
~a place you like and feel comfortable in order to spend a few moments (or many) thinking and noticing what’s going on inside you
The basic process of identifying what you’re feeling…
The basic process of identifying what you’re feeling…
1 - Stop and Notice
That sounds simple, right? Well if you’ve never done it before it won’t be. Honestly, sometimes it’s challenging for me and I’ve trained my brain to do this automatically. So try not to dismiss this step because it sounds too simple.
Stopping means you pause. You take a moment wherever you are to be present at that moment.
Noticing means you pay attention. What you’re noticing are the things going on inside your mind, heart, and body.
This is where the list I shared above will come in handy. It lists out different emotions and sensations in your body that you might be feeling. This can be a helpful jumping-off point to begin your journey as you try to put words to the chaos inside.
2 - Try on Different Emotions
This might sound a little strange. But imagine your emotions are a wardrobe and you’re trying to find the perfect outfit for an event. So start trying them on. This is messy and feels even more awkward. Also if you have any Type A personality in you (like me), you might spend a lot of time trying to find the “right” way to do this. There isn’t a right way. It is just a process that you have to do and see through to the other side. So try things on and see what feels right.
3 - Dig a Little Deeper
(To see if what you’ve discovered is the real emotion or one that might be hiding others)
Now once you have found the emotion that seems to “fit” what you’re feeling, it’s time to look a little bit closer. Sometimes emotions that come more naturally might mask other emotions that are more painful to feel. The emotion I found that does this the most on my journey is anger. While anger may not be pleasant to feel it is easier than grief for example. For me anger makes me feel energized and ready to take action, whereas grief is exhausting and can be paralyzing.
Sometimes it takes a little digging to name what you’re really feeling. If you’re new to self-awareness, then you might not be ready for this step just yet. That’s fine. Stick with the first two and dive into this one when you're ready to go a little deeper.
And that’s it.
This is the basic way I learned how to identify my emotions. It’s a process at first that might feel clunky, but it can become a habit the more you use it. I hope you find it helpful to begin identifying what might be going on inside you in this season.
I plan to continue digging into this more in the coming weeks, so if this was helpful be sure to check back. If you would like to know when I publish more and get interesting tidbits about what I’m learning and doing, sign up below for my “coffee chat” letters. I try to send them out every other Friday. Until then, I hope you have great success as you begin to dig into your own emotions.
On the journey with you,
Latisha