Sitting with Your Emotions

Emotions are trying to communicate with us.  Sometimes in order to receive that message we have to hold a little space for them.

I’ve heard this skill called “sitting with your emotions”.  What it means is when you feel the emotions you intentionally hold onto them a little longer.  It can be done with any emotion.  Most of my personal experience lies in doing it with grief.

“Sitting with your feelings at the basic level is stopping and making space to feel your feelings and notice what’s going on inside you without judgment.”

Sitting with your emotions isn’t an easy thing to do.  In the beginning, it can feel scary and awkward, especially if you’re trying to process heavier emotions like grief or anxiety.  If you're struggling with doing this, I would recommend starting your journey with a positive emotion like joy or hope.  Those emotions are usually easier to hold onto and will help you get used to doing it.

Sitting with your emotions will look and feel different for everyone, so I can’t really give you specific steps to take.

However, I can describe what it looks like for me in hopes that might help you forge your own path.

What I do when I’m sitting with my feelings…

~Notice that I’m feeling something and what it is

~Capture that feeling and let it have some space

~Focus on it and notice how my body is feeling and what I’m thinking

~Release the feeling and process the next one

~Repeat until I feel light and grounded

That’s my process.  Sitting with your feelings at the basic level is stopping and making space to feel your feelings and notice what’s going on inside you without judgment. You’re welcome to try my method and use it as a jumping-off point for finding what works best for you.

Here are some tips to help you find your own process…

~If you can’t stop in the moment then schedule a time in the near future.  This idea felt weird to me at first, but I’ve found it to be really helpful and empowering.  There are times when we’re in the middle of work or something that can’t be put off and we can’t stop to do this.  Trying to process our emotions in those moments isn’t practical.  We build trust with ourselves by making it a priority at a time that works better for us and following through on that appointment.

~Remember that there isn’t a set time for how long this will take.  You control how long you are willing to spend in this manner.  Sometimes it will only need a few seconds and others several minutes.  Notice what feels helpful to get to the other side of what you’re processing.

~One of the best tips I had when learning this skill was to do something relaxing afterward.  It takes a lot out of you to sit with heavier emotions and it can be a draining experience. So be sure to make space for something that refuels you.

~Be okay with being a beginner. It’s okay that this process feels awkward and uncomfortable.  The more you do it the better you will become at it.  Don’t be afraid to experiment until you find what works best for you.

~Make yourself comfortable so you can be as relaxed as possible.  It can be hard to pay attention to something internally if you aren’t comfortable externally.

~Sometimes it can be helpful to have someone sit with you while doing this.  This might be a professional, a spouse, or a trusted friend or family member.

Remember holding space for and sitting with your emotions most likely won’t be a linear process.  You may experience many different emotions at once.  Slowing it down and being able to capture one at a time will take time and practice.  

A picture I think of when doing this is me in a forest of falling leaves.  I’m noticing what’s going on around me.  As the leaves fall I temporarily capture them to notice the texture and color.  When I’m finished, I release it and capture another one.  By releasing it I expand my capacity for what I can receive. I’ve found the same to be true with my emotions.

“By releasing it I expand my capacity for what I can receive.”

Learning to sit with your emotions is a brave and wonderful gift you can give to yourself.  I hope this post has helped you find a way to dig into your own journey a little more. You are brave and capable of doing this!

On the journey with you,

Latisha