Three Pitfalls of Self-Awareness and Tips to Navigate Them

I love figuring out what’s going on inside my mind and emotions and seeing the details of how (and why) things affect me.  It’s something I get completely nerdy about.  

But I know everyone doesn’t feel that way.  It can feel really vulnerable and scary at times to look at what’s really going on with our thoughts and emotions.  It’s completely normal to want to hide from discomfort, struggle, or pain.

Forcing others to be introspective isn’t a path that leads to connection.  Self-awareness is a choice we all make as individuals. And it’s when we come together as individuals daring to dive below the surface and share that the magic of deep communication and connection can happen.

Along my journey to becoming self-aware and making space for connection in my life, I’ve run across three pitfalls I thought I’d share.

Unrealistic expectations of people giving a quick quality response.

Since I have a pretty good handle on what I’m thinking and feeling most of the time, I can share that information pretty quickly.  I didn’t realize that was unusual and used to assume that others could do the same. Operating out of that assumption lead me to frustration in communication and a lack of connection in general.

I have since realized that the level of self-awareness and the ability to communicate with others about it is varied from person to person.

 Sometimes it also can take more time for a person to process what’s going on inside before they can communicate about it.
At times it can drive me a little nuts because my mind moves at a fast pace and I want to connect at the same pace.  I also tend to ask questions in a rapid-fire manner if I’m not being intentional. The result of my natural pace can overwhelm the other person and shut down the connection before it has a chance to begin.

Things helping me to navigate this pitfall are...

~See it as a growth opportunity.  For me this is usually a trigger point, so I know going into the conversation I want to be aware of how I’m coming across.  It’s also an opportunity to learn how to make space for the other person so they can process.

~Remember that good things are worth waiting for.  The person you want to connect with might need some time to process, but the potential connection is usually well worth it.

~Be intentional about the questions I ask, especially if I know the person needs extra time to think before responding.

Wanting to dwell in my inner world where I’m recharged and end up missing out on connecting with others.

As an introvert, people drain my energy levels quickly.  Even the close people that I love to spend time with can drain my resources.  Because of that, I have to continually recharge. At times this can make me want to hide inside where I’m not being drained.  

Deep connection and conversation are a necessary part of my life though, so I know I can’t stay there.  It’s taken me a while to learn how to set boundaries for self-care and build relationships in a way that didn’t sink me.  I can still struggle with this, but I’m getting better at noticing the warning signs letting me know it’s time to recharge.

Things helping me to navigate this pitfall are...

~Recognize my current limits. I would love to be able to visit with all the people I care about all the time, but it doesn’t happen often.  Owning this was challenging, but burning myself into the ground wasn’t producing the quality relationships I want in my life.  

~Be really intentional with how I spend my time and where I make relational investments.  I do feel like the relationships I’m intentionally investing in are flourishing because I’ve done this.  I look forward to a greater capacity to invest more in the future, but for now, I’m grateful for what I have.

~Remember that relationships involve two people.  We all have busy seasons and hard things to deal with that might make it harder to invest at times.  Giving myself the grace and space I need is something I’ve really been working on for the last year. I’ve learned when I give it to myself, I’m able to give it more freely to others.

Unrealistic expectations for deep relationships can lead to disappointment and discontentment. 

I tend to be an all-in kind of person when it comes to relationships.  If we’re going to be friends, we’re going to be best friends where we share our deepest secrets and braid each other’s hair all night because we’re afraid that the storm is going to turn into a tornado during our sleepover.  Okay, we might skip the second part, but the exchange of being vulnerable and sharing what’s going on inside (on some level) feels imperative to meaningful relationships to me.  

The thing is not all relationships can fall into that category.  Mostly because if we went all in with everyone it would be so exhausting.  Not to mention it’s impossible to be there for so many people all the time.  Another reason that wouldn’t work is that a lot of people may not know what is going on inside.  As I’ve already said, it can be challenging and uncomfortable to be self-aware so a lot of people skip it.

The thing I’ve realized is that being aware of the deeper stuff going on inside myself makes me long to be known on that level and to know others on that level as well.  For me, that is what deep connection and conversation is all about.

Things helping me to navigate this pitfall are...

~Remember how hard and uncomfortable it was for me to become self-aware and have compassion for others as they navigate their own journey.

~Adjust my expectations and recognize that I can’t expect to have a deep level of connection with everyone.  Remember that my energy levels wouldn’t support that amount of connection and the quality would be diminished if it’s spread too thin.

~Find a couple of people I know who share my desire to connect and converse on a deeper level and invest in those relationships.

And that wraps up the three pitfalls and tips.  I hope this has been helpful to you and can possibly give you some insight into your own journey.

Do you see yourself in any of these pitfalls?  If so what has helped you to traverse them? Share in the comments below or send me an email at hello@latishaleppert.com if you prefer privacy in sharing.