When Regret Hits

Regret is a painful and heavy emotion.  It usually hits when we've done something we can’t undo or missed an opportunity we really wanted to take.  

There are situations that call for regret, but I think there are many more times when it doesn't.   Regret is an emotion that frequently tries to come in where it’s not warranted.

One of those unwarranted times regret tries to attach itself to the circumstances in my life is through unmet goals.

“Something that will definitely help is to look at how you’re talking to yourself about the situation and see what might shift when you approach yourself with self-compassion and curiosity instead of self-condemnation.”

Recently I was doing a dreaming session for all of the big-picture things I want from my life and business.  That is something that generally brings happy and positive emotions because I’m imagining all of the possibilities.

However instead of the normal joy and hope, this time I began to feel intensely sad.  I was confused by this and started to dismiss it, but it kept persisting.  

As I began to dig deeper I recognized the feelings of regret and failure below the sadness. I realized it was there because a lot of what was on my list had been there for a while.  My mind started to head down the path of self-condemnation.

You know the conversation which usually sounds something like…

Why haven’t these things happened yet?  

Why are you so inept?  

What makes you think you can actually do them if you haven't so far?

What’s the point of trying to have big goals if you aren’t going to accomplish them?

Yuck, it makes me feel heavy and really unmotivated simply writing those words.

The good thing is when I recognized what was happening, I was able to interrupt the process and not spiral down into feelings of despair and hopelessness that would really take me off course.

Instead, I began another dialog with myself that was filled with self-compassion and truth. It went something like this…

I know it's really hard that we haven’t arrived at the destinations I long for in my big goals.

It’s okay to feel sad and disappointed about that.

Just remember that each and every attempt has gotten you one step closer to that final destination.

You have grown so much along the way and learned more about who you are and what you really want.

This is allowing you to fine-tune your big goals along the way to make sure each destination is the one you really want.

Don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up.  

Remember all the joy found in the journey so far. 

Keep going and trust that you will get there!

Now I don’t know about you but that makes me feel light, understood, and ready to continue my journey.

Do you ever find yourself in a similar situation?  

My situation was about unmet big goals for my life and business.  Your situation might be completely different.  

Maybe it’s over a broken relationship, a missed opportunity, or that pan of brownies you devoured last week.  

Whatever the situation I’d like to encourage you to look a little below the surface and see what's really going on.  Is the situation really done and over or might there still be something you can do? I would guess that there is still time to redeem situations or make different choices in the future.  We just have to be brave to face the struggle, find them, and take that different action.

“Is the situation really done and over or might there still be something you can do?”

Something that will definitely help is to look at how you’re talking to yourself about the situation and see what might shift when you approach yourself with self-compassion and curiosity instead of self-condemnation.  You might be surprised at what happens by taking this simple step. I know I was.

One last thought, as I said, there are some cases that can’t be changed and regret is a very real thing.  This is usually related to death in some way. I’ve dealt with some of this and it's one of the hardest things to move through.  

While you never get completely over it, it's possible to heal and grow beyond being stuck at that moment.  It takes time, forgiveness, and lots of grace.  

If you find yourself there, I hope you will find someone to process those things with and begin your own journey of healing to move beyond the pain of regret so you can live your most joyful life.

Just remember that you’re not alone.
On this journey with you,
Latisha